Shibaraku : for a time being

 The graduate school Japanese language test went...in my estimation...( poorly. )

In the meantime I can start planning my future as if entering that graduate school is not going to happen. With some relief, I was thinking... always time to set myself up as a freelancer, eh? I'm not hung up on translating work only. I actually really like editing, and that is a skill I possess that I have complete confidence in. I can also work on an official website and build an online portfolio.

Despite all the moyamoya feelings, there are also green sprigs of hope. All I really have to do now is relax. I'll do a little preparation, but mostly I'll try to keep going back to what makes me happy. I keep thinking on this picture I got from Jesus of sailing across a lake. There are certain spots across the lake that I know I am aiming for. I simply don't know when I will arrive. As the prevailing winds blow this way and that, I adjust course and allow myself to be taken in one direction. Sooner or later I sense I am off course and adjust the sails to take me in a different direction. I am still halfway across the lake, and I am free to move in any direction I please. As long as I don't give up, I am still making headway. But someday, I'll be moored and in position for at least a little while.

Fandom: Harry Potter, years later
Title: "Cedric of Erised"
*reposted and rewritten from Tumblr under another title
( Read more... )

At the moment, it is looking likely that I may permanently move from Tumblr to here.  I actually had considered making a Dreamwidth blog anyway because I felt like I was missing out on some fandom aspects but had not done so because it looked like too much work. I am still squinting pretty hard at the site to figure out how it works.

But here we are. It's not altogether a bad transition--- Tumblr sucks up time like a ever-soaking sponge. Perhaps this is the best way to rip off the band-aid of internet dependency. What I actually want to do is write more, and I will have that with the extra time I get from weaning myself off of Tumblr. I want to journal a bit, and write drabbles, and fandom meta. I want to be closer to the center of the fandom gift economy, and maybe to rpg opportunities. I did this on Tumblr for a time, but it wasn't a creation-focused platform for me---too many distractions and not enough writing-centric input. I was busy riffing on other people's things.

I'm hoping to write more "small" things here for a wider variety of fandoms. I have a few ideas saved up that I could finish with a few hours' burst of energy. My writing goal for the upcoming new year: learn to write small and write fast.

Pre-New Year's Goals:

• write small write fast!!!
• establish an exercise routine
• study for the JLPT N2
• reach level 60, finish WaniKani
• master the Hebrew alphabet (write, read, & pronounce)
• research the King Arthur epic - saints, druids, early English history, regional versions of King Arthur, etc.
• work on the XxxHolic: Your Wish Granted rewrite
• finish applying to graduate school (??!!?!!?!) and/or get a job 
• sleepover with my best friend
• date a handsome boy whose voice gives me joy? no i don't have anyone in particular in mind. i'm just lonely and restless

December Goals:

• outline the Judges-Kings / King Arthur epic; type up notes (actually, that's a December goal)
• download Hebrew and ancient Hebrew font packages and type up language notes
• pack to transfer as much stuff as possible for home; bring Christmas presents home, and clothes that don't fit (stuff that makes sense)
• continue to read Umi no Yami, Tsuki no Kage, and perhaps liveblog it
• buy a steel shovel Just In Case of heavy snow
• buy my brother a present
• buy my friends a present
• try not to spend all my money
• visit my brother
• meet internet friend?
• talk to translator mentor friend

Put it like that, it looks like I am already living my best post-college life. o_O This looks...busy. Honestly, with all the competing studious activities I don't know how it will work out. But we'll see.

The graduate school thing is liable to make me panic a bit because I'm not sure I am ready. I've been relatively calm so far, but it does unnerve me deeply to be this close to my goals, and this close to failing, and maybe I'll have to go around the mountain again I don't know how many times. -_- I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I talked to Jesus about it and he said "next year." But I applied. Absolutely last minute. At the moment, my greatest fear is stepping into an environment that will sweep completely over my head. If I'm going to drown, I'd rather not go at all. But that's fear talking. Fluency in language learning is a tenuous thing. The more you know, the more you know you don't know. The more you sense contexts in which you are out of your depths; the fewer places there are to train you in diving into those depths; the more you are expected to handle them on your own. Are you capable? Why, yes— And no; but the no should be temporary. How temporary, I can't predict.